men

The warm truth: You have a type!

The cold truth: Your man is your mirror!

Our men are our mirrors. You attract who and what you are. If you don’t change, he doesn’t change. If you keep being insecure, he will reflect that. If you are needy and obsessing over him, he will follow suit and disappear. If you “lean back” and let him be a man and show you what he is made of, then he will step up and work hard to make you happy.

Whatever you do, he does…even when you break up with one and move to the next. If you are the same woman, then you will get the same man again with a different face, different name, and slightly different story but he will have the same baggage, childhood wounds, annoying behaviors, charismatic features, and so on.

You attract men who have the same wounds as you that
need to be healed!
[Click to Tweet!]

And…yes, I just got DEEP on you. I took it there. I took it way down. Beyond the surface level of, “all men are dogs,” “I hate men,” “are there any good ones out there?” “all men cheat,” “all men lie,” “there are no quality black men out there,” “if he can’t call me every 5 hours then he doesn’t need to be with me “I guess I will never find love”….sound familiar?

For so long, you have been thinking and playing small. It is time for you think and play BIG. It is time for you to do the work it takes to get to the root of these men you attract. You can attract BIG love (soulmate, “the one,” “husband material,” “toe curling,” “true love and devotion” type love), but only if you consciously pay attention in your relationships and interactions with men.

All the men you have ever ‘officially’ dated or are dating again are your mirrors. They each had a message.

The quickest way to heal and evolve as a woman is to enter into a relationship and consciously take note of what your man reveals to you about yourself. [Click to tweet]

The men who show up on the outside tell a lot about who you are on the inside.

Sometimes we are given “mr. dud” to see we our missing out on our own true value and worth. Sometimes we are given “mr. okays” because we are settling for good enough. Sometimes we are given “mr. rights” because we have evolved to a place of total value and worth within our self.

We only get it right with our “Mr.” when we get it right with ourselves. [Click to Tweet]

The only true way to do that is to use my three step process below to start reflecting. Grab a piece of paper and a pen:

  1. Appreciate the journey to and through love (the good, the bad, and the ugly!)
  2. Consciously reflect on who we have loved and lost in our lives. Use this chart to help you outline it:     Remember, even if the relationship was a MESS there is a MESSage in it!

 

His Name Current Status
(Ex, Dating,Friends w/Benefits or Current)
Our Challenges What I Learned About Men, Love, & Relationships What I Learned About Myself How Was He My Mirror
 

 

 

*You can even go as far as connecting the patterns and differences below with your relationship with your own father too.

  • Patterns (between all men above):
  • Differences:
  • The Truth (fill in the blanks): When it comes to men and relationships, I……….because……… I noticed that I…..I need to work on….I will attract different men when I…… Even though I have these struggles I still love and accept myself. I forgive him and myself because no one is perfect….

 

  1. Use your relationships and interactions with men as “free therapy” to heal yourself and prepare for a greater relationship with your man or for “Mr. Right” to come in the future
    1. For example, if your man/ex-man use to be hot and cold…present for a few days and absent for others, take note of the energy and thoughts you expend when he is present vs. when he is absent. What is the difference? Are you obsessing about where he is and why he hasn’t called on the days when he is not present? Or maybe your father did the same thing to you…perhaps he came and went? Could there be a connection? Reflect.

If we are to attract the best men, we simply have to be the best women. My great hope for you is to do just that! There will be more to come on this very topic in my book which I am currently writing!

I Want to Hear From You:

  • What did you discover about yourself doing the exercise above?
  • How have you seen your man (past or present) mirror you?
  • What struck you the most while reading this?