Rarely do I go to the mall especially during the week. But, one of my best girlfriends invited me out on a mini shopping spree. I accepted. My friend loves to take her sweet time, I mean sweet (all day)..so I decided to walk to other stores. On my journey I heard someone yell my name and I recognized a familiar face from high school. I figured I’d go say ‘hi’ to him since I was trying to kill some time.

We began talking and catching up which was going fine until this man asked me whether or not I was in a  relationship. This was fine. But, the kicker came when he says, “What’s his name, Greg?” I took a double take. If you know me you know I am a sassy ball of fire sometimes. He threw me for a loop. Greg. What was he implying? I asked, “What are you trying to say?” He continues, “You know you always was the uppity type so I figured you would have an uppity man with a name like Greg.”

I was thrown! Really though? The ironic part was my beau would have laughed his a**  off at this assumption. He would be the first to raise his hand and say, “no you have it all wrong. She is the opposite of that.” He is only the second man to tell me that in my lifetime. However, what both have in common is that I wasn’t giving them the time of day therefore they took that as I am being “uppity.”

Neither of them do it for me. Add this to the fact that I am a proud introvert, pretty confident, and known to have high standards for my romantic relationships. If you were to see me and didn’t know me it could be easy to assume I am “uppity” because I am not always smiling, I rather put my head in a book then talk to complete strangers who I’m not feeling, and I walk with my head held high because I am comfortable enough with myself to do so which has not always been the case.

I just found that totally mind blowing. Not to mention that off the heels of Dark Girls I’ve been having boat loads of conversations about light and dark skin for the past two weeks! Heaven forbidden if I add in the fact that I am light bright and many boast that I have “good hair” (all of which I don’t believe in). Not saying that color plays a role in this assumption that I am “uppity,” but I am saying I think it may play a role and I don’t think it is off to assume that it might. How many times have I heard,light skin girls think they are better.”

Funny thing is I know good and got damn well I am not better. Never was and never will be. Brown is beautiful in my book. Dark is sweet to me! But equating light to uppity is not cool. Equating confidence and standards to uppity is not the look either. Yet, we still have folks doing it. When will it stop?

There is such a thing as overconfidence and there really are folks who are uppity. I just don’t think I fall into these categories. I still have more work to do on my own self and my identity will never rest on being uppity which Merriam Webster Dictionary defines as “self-important and arrogant.” Self-important—yes! Arrogant—No! However, if I didn’t believe that I was important than why would anyone else?  Confident women recognize their importance but they also recognize their humbleness because they are not the only woman in the world.

I want to hear from you:

  • Have you been called uppity before?
  • Did men react to you differently once you were more confident or changed your standards?
  • Ever had a similar experience…
  • Do you think light skin women are subjected more to the “uppity” label then darker skin women? Why is that?