brown sugar

Everywhere I go I hear this over and over again. Be friends with your mate first! I am sure you have heard this too. Not too long ago I really listened, and started dating my best male friend. Hands down the best decision I’ve made in regards to relationships.

It is not perfect but it is damn near there! Why? Because he knows me inside and out. Sometimes more than I know myself. He knows my deepest thoughts, when I am lying or telling the truth, how to confront me when I am acting less than regal and I get a little to real, how I am going to manage to achieve all my dreams plus become a super mom and wife of the year, and the list goes on!

He knows me and I know him. The beauty of dating your best friend is that you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to put up a façade. You can be you 24/7. Of course, at times you get irritated or mad just like any other relationship, but at the end of the day it makes love so much easier when you KNOW the person you are with.

Know them as in you know their values, their dreams, their goals in life, their favorites, their family background, their opinion about family and children and politics and culture and the whole nine yards BEFORE you marry them.

When it moves beyond physical, and it moves to a place of respect, trust, honesty, faithfulness, forgiveness, partnership, friendship, romance, understanding…it clicks. It dawns on you that it works. It dawned on us a few nights ago on the phone that we have only been together for 2 ½ years and it feels like we just started dating yesterday, and we passed the honeymoon phase a while ago!

Now, what I’m not saying is you should run out and date your male best friends. But what I am saying is consider the “what if’s”. The possibilities. In my case, I made a list. Yes, this is cliché and maybe even corny, but I made a list and in my mind I started running through guys I had known at the time trying to see if I could picture the characteristics I was looking for. When it landed on my BFF turns out I was not only able to visualize but he matched almost everything on my list.

The funny part is that I had never considered him before, and still wouldn’t have until this day had I not did that one exercise and got clear about what I wanted.  

The more clear we get about what we want the quicker and more qualified the man we want will appear. He may not be your best friend, but don’t write him off either if he happens to be yours after all.