Chimamanda-Ngozi-Adichie_0

As I scrolled through my Facebook timeline recently, I saw an article about Nigerian author (pictured above), Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie recent talk, and it was titled, F%$k Likeability!

 

You might recognize her name from Beyonce’s song Flawless where she dropped knowledge and wisdom about how our society teaches girls to shrink themselves. She unapologetically and boldly professes that what society teaches women and girls is that..

 “Likability is an essential part of you, of the space you occupy in the world, that you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likable.

And I say that’s bullshit.

So what I want to say to young girls is forget about likability. If you start thinking about being likable you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that’s going to ruin your story[.]”

Agreed for younger and older women!

 

How many times do we compare ourselves to other women?

 

How many times do we dwell on not being good enough?

 

How many times do we twist ourselves to fit into society’s standards of beauty or love?

How many times do we try to fit into a mold of “success” that we think we need to reach by a certain age?

How many times do we play small and hide our light, our gifts, and our worth?

How often do we sit back and wonder whether or not we are being “liked” by a man or even friends?

 

Answer: Too damn much!

  When you are desiring for others to like you, validate you, and love you…this is a sign that you aren’t really feeling ya self all that much!   When you’re not feeling yourself (yup in my Beyoncé voice!!) that means you’re not filling yourself up with the self-love you secretly crave and divinely deserve.

I can recall countless times when others have called me out for being “intimidating” because I was self-aware and confident both personally and professionally or a “bitch” because I keep it real! I am honest, blunt, and bold.

I’ve learned that I don’t need other people’s consensus to do me or be me. Could I do better? Absolutely. Am I perfect? Hell no! Should I work on that? Mmmm…maybe! I don’t need anybody’s validation of my mouth and what comes out ( sometimes it can get wild!) or the choices I make every day.  And neither do you!

 

Side Note: I can get  REAL even though I am still regal… regalravenmeme

Being my authentic self is what sets me a part from others and it also fortunately helps me build a tighter brand and business to empower women! My business coach recently told me the only way to truly do your business right (be purposeful, profitable, and impactful) is to be your true, authentic self…the way you are offline when you are sitting around with friends talking it up.

Translation:

Be yourself and success will come chasing after you.

 

My two cents for you:::

Be yourself. Not a carbon copy of someone else. Not like your mama, your sister, your co-worker, your best friend, your auntie, Oprah (I do really like her though!!), Beyonce’ (She is a BOSS though on so many levels!), Cookie from Empire (the Queen of f$@k being likable!!), Olivia from Scandal, your roommate in/from college, some woman who you see living it up on Facebook or looking gorgeous on Instagram!

 

Trying to fit into a cookie cutter designed society is a mess! I don’t know about you but my type of cookie doesn’t fit everybody’s mold and that is fine! Neither does yours.

 

Being likeable is bull crap! Being anything that you are not is bullcrap! Telling yourself any story other than your own just to fit in, be liked, get love, be accepted, get likes/followers, or receive validation is bull crap!

Do you! Be you! Be a damn good version of yourself!

Some people won’t like the  “new you” They will say “oh, you’re different” or “you’ve changed” And to them you say, “Nope, I didn’t change I just became who I was always meant to be so beat it if you can’t love and accept me for who I really am”

 

As a result, the right people, the right friends, the right men, the right opportunities, the right thoughts, the right mindset, the right breakthroughs will begin to manifest in your life.

There is power not only within you, but power in owning who you really are and not giving a [bleep!] about who likes it or not! Do you! I got your back!    

 

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